Six Useful Things I Could Be Doing Now Rather Than Playing Bejeweled Blitz

1. Shaving My Dog’s Butt So She Doesn’t Get Poop Stuck To Her Anus Fur On Walks
Dingleberries are a leading cause of stank in the canine community. Don’t let it happen to your dog.

2. Fixing the Jeans That I Paid $30 For A Poorly-Done Hem And Taper, But Did Not Take Back Within The 7-Day Grace Period
Studies show that setting aside your phone long enough to get down your fucking sewing machine and use the iron for twenty seconds can save dipshits up to $30.

3. Calculating The Number Of Calories I Did Not Need In That Starbucks Peach Lemonade Iced Tea (Venti)
I suspect it’s all of them, but my upside-down calculator says it’s 58008.

4. Throwing Out The Veggies I Got At The Farmer’s Market Two Weeks Ago To Make Room For The Veggies I Just Got At The Farmer’s Market
Why is eating healthy so expensive?

5. Affixing The Hanger Posts To The Framed Print That Has Been Leaning Against The Office Wall For Five Weeks
But I’m not sure I like it or even have the wall space for it.

6. Learning How To Fold A Fitted Sheet
In the event I buy a second set of sheets.

Rep Geek, Stay Classy: Doctor Who edition

Because Comic-Con is only four days a year.

Listen up, ladies: There comes a time when neither the painstakingly sewn bodysuit & custom polystyrene body armor nor the con-specific slogan hastily ironed on to a shirt will cut it. While there aren’t many opportunities to bust out the Tardis corset in public outside of Dragon*con, there’s nothing stopping you from displaying your nerdish leanings those 360-odd days the rest of the year with a little bit of style. Below is a selection of apparel and accessories to help you stand out to other Whovian fanatics without looking like you’ve wandered out of a photo shoot.

Tardis Necklace
Blue Police Box necklace - Doctor Who Tardis
Via [Etsy - Beadix]

The 11th Doctor – for the ladies
11th Doctor - Polyvore - Dress
Via [Polyvore - jenica35]

The 10th Doctor – played by David Tennant
Doctor Who - 10th Dress
Via [Polvyore - mackenzie-blacketer]

Tardis Damask tee
Via []

The 11th Doctor – for the babies
Doctor Who Onesie
Via [Etsy - geekabyebaby]


Walt Disney World Revamping Test Track to Look Like Tron

Rejected post title: Holy shit-snacks, you guys, my dreams are coming true.

If you’ve ever been to EPCOT at the Walt Disney World resort in Orlando, FL like I have (a lot, because of Florida living for 22 years), you’re aware of a lengthy wait leading up to a pretty disappointing ride called Test Track, designed to educate the user about car stuff. Yesterday, the Disney Parks Blog released five new images representing the new direction the ride is taking and HOLY CRAP IT’S TRON. IT IS A TRON RIDE. OMG OMG OMG OMG

Image: Disney Parks Blog

I mean, look at that blue and orange color scheme!! The neon cactus implying a digital desert wasteland? Shit, can you imagine walking into the lobby of that ride and seeing holo-Jeff Bridges in some zenned out white robe welcoming you to the Grid? I can.

So let’s be real for a second: They’re probably not really turning Test Track into Tron because of reasons, but that doesn’t mean we can’t speculate that they’re keeping mum about the fact that it will actually be a Tron ride, they just can’t say it yet. A more realistic fantasy (lolxymoron, you guys!) is even if it’s not a Tron ride, per se, there’s nothing preventing them from asking Daft Punk to do the score. You hear me, Disney? NOTHING. PREVENTING. YOU.

More images at [Disney Parks Blog]


Chipotle Deviled Eggs: The Thinking Man’s Appetizer

Who doesn’t love deviled eggs? Serial puppy killers? Nope. Even serial puppy killers love deviled eggs. I make them for all sorts of occasions: dinner parties, company potlucks, casual drinks at a bar for friends’ birthdays. How do I keep the same dish from getting stale? Aside from copious amounts of tin foil? FLAVOR CRYSTALS.

Or as you might know it, flavored Tabasco.


Googling “How to Hard Boil Eggs” will give you thousands of recipes to choose from, but few actually customize based on type of stove (gas or electric) or altitude or whatever. I’ve had luck with this method because you can throw the eggs back in if they’re not quite done:

1. Put eggs in a pot that fits them snuggly side by side and fill with tap water until about half inch above the surface of the eggs
2. Bring to a boil
3. Remove from heat and cover
4. After 12 minutes off the heat, peel and cut one egg down the center to see if the yolk is done. The center should be completely cooked, with no gray around the edges. If the yolk looks undercooked, check another egg in two minutes, and so on until you reach the desired level of done-ness
5. Place the cooked eggs into a ice water bath to arrest further cooking


You can keep the whole hard boiled eggs refrigerated for up to 48 hours, but fair warning: your fridge will stink. Here’s a pro-tip: Re-use the carton the eggs came in for easy storage. The filling won’t keep as well since it’s all mayonnaise-y, so I recommend waiting until the last moment to make it.

The filling is really all about taste, but the basic ingredients are mayo, mustard, salt and pepper. Here’s how I roll for a dozen eggs:

1/3 c. REAL mayonnaise. Don’t cheap out on me.
3 T. yellow mustard
2 T. spicy mustard
¼ t. table salt
¼ t. fine-grind white pepper

Smashy Smashy: use a whisk to work the yolk into tiny bits before adding any liquid ingredients. This’ll help avoid blockage when you’re piping the filling into the whites.


For Chipotle Deviled Eggs, bust out that Smoked Tabasco and add a few dashes, about 1 tablespoon for optimal chipotlosity. For an added kick, bench the paprika in favor of some cayenne pepper.

- For easier peeling, use old eggs and these tips
- Alton Brown sez: before boiling, rubber-band the egg carton and leave it on its side overnight for beautiful, centered yolks
- Don’t spend money on a piping bag. Grab a Ziploc and cut the corner off.


The Secret to Peeling Boiled Eggs

Rejected post title: Frailty, thy name is eggshell.

The secret to peeling boiled eggs is practice.

pause for laughter

HAHAHA. Get it? No. Well. Practice is the secret to everything, but here are a few tricks that’ll pipewarp you most of the way there.

1. Age Before Beauty
2. Smashy Smashy
3. All Thumbs

1. Age Before Beauty: Use Old Eggs

Older eggs are easier to peel because the membrane detaches from the shell with age. How old? Obviously, not rotten eggs, but eggs that are at least four days old will make for easier peeling. If you’re one of those folks who keeps chickens, stick it in the fridge for at least at week to compensate for the farm-to-grocery-store delay the rest of us have to deal with. If you think your eggs are bordering on stinkbomb-level, dunk it in some water for a few minutes. If it floats, throw it out.

2. Smashy Smashy: Crack the Bejeezus Out of the Shell

Use the flat of a butter knife or back of a soup spoon to smash the crap out of the shell once the egg has been boiled. The cracks will provide more points for the shell to break away from the egg as well as provide more flexibility for your thumbs to slide around.

3. All Thumbs: Don’t Pick, Slide

The best tool you own for peeling boiled eggs is your thumbs. Thumbs alone, too: there’s no need to pick at bitty pieces of shell with your thumb and forefinger with this technique. Always start over a sink, both for easy clean up and easy access to water. Keep your hands (and the eggs) moist to ensure a nice slidey motion. Here are the basics:

  • Use the pad of your thumb
  • Long fingernails are not your friend.
  • If you get stuck, use a quick squirt of water to make it all slippery.

    Find the hollow spot on the egg where the air bubble used to be. Put your thumb right in there and make a hole. Lift the shell up until you can comfortably slip your thumb against the egg white. In a counter-clockwise motion, slide your thumb around the egg while always trying to stay underneath the membrane. This is the MOST important: getting under that membrane is the key to a smooth peel. When you can take the entire shell off in one piece, it’s your turn to smugly tell people how to do it.

    So there you have it. Above all else, I recommend patience. You’re almost guaranteed to fuck up at least one egg per batch, but even if the white comes out looking like Edward James Olmos’ face, save the yolk for the filling. Speaking of which, check out Pap Culture’s first recipe attempt: Chipotle Deviled Eggs: The Thinking Man’s Appetizer

  • community-nailpolish

    The Cruelty of April Fool’s: Community and Parks and Rec-themed nail polish

    Amidst the fake death announcements and adorable NES Google Maps, the thing that’s most apt to make me cry for not being true is fake sets of nail polish themed around two of my favorite TV comedies, Community and Park & Recreation. There’s also a 30 Rock set, but given the nosedive in quality that show has taken the last two season, I’m all like “meh.”

    Full disclosure, I think The Dreamatorium should be the neon orange from the room. No bigs.

    AAAAND I WANT I AM DIAPHENA AND OFFENSE THAT’S RUDE because the colors are pretty, and also from my favorite episodes. Leslie Knope <3

    Some other fun April Fool's nerd bits:

    - Think Geek's Minecraft marshmallow Creeps
    - Adult Swim ran the deceased anime-themed Toonami block today from midnight to 6am
    - Gmail Tap replaces keyboard with morse code

    Images per The Two Paths of Virginia Apple tumblr

    Game of Thrones actors before they donned the blonde.

    Before They Were Lannisters: Game of Thrones actors before they donned the blonde.

    Rejected post title: “A Lannister Always Pays His Dues.”

    Joffrey Lannister in Batman Begins
    Before he played the one dickhole you’d like to cram a Q-tip in, Jack Gleeson was known to American audiences as “that fuckin’ blond kid who almost got gassed” in 2005′s Batman Begins. I know it’s hard to distinguish between actor and character from time-to-time, especially one who so richly deserves a parsnip up the arse, so try not to imagine this little towheaded non-Joffrey getting his brain cells melted by Scarecrow’s neurotoxic gas or Katie Holmes’ single facial expression.

    Tyrion Lannister on Seinfeld
    Though he was the only cast member to walk away with an Emmy this season, Peter Dinklage is no stranger to being pigeonholed. Shit, I could only ever play point guard on my junior high basketball team, but I ended up hosting a radio program in college where the audience could not judge my size. Here’s a, let’s say, completely coincidental parallel example of Peter Dinklage’s voice on Seinfeld.

    Cersei Lannister in The Jungle Book
    Queen Gorgo or “Character I Didn’t Realize Was As Popular As Leelu to Cosplay” from 300 is kind of an obvious choice. Please instead enjoy this trailer for Disney’s live-action adaptation of The Jungle Book which, as a young girl, taught me the meaning of abs. Oh yeah, and Lena Headey as not-in-the-original-book caucasian love interest, Kitty.

    Jaime Lannister in Wimbledon
    Sure, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has been in some shit that wasn’t Danish, but the only thing I’ve seen is Wimbledon and I’m 90% sure I’m actually thinking of that Woody Allen movie about tennis that was so wretched I couldn’t be bothered to realize how long it took me to turn it off.

    Tywin Lannister in Ali G In Da House
    Nothing demeans a man like dressing forcing him to like a woman, because of gender roles or something. Check out the venerable Charles Dance stuffed into a vinyl mini-skirt by the venereal Ali G.

    Lancel Lannister on House of Anubis
    Did you know that the guy with exaggerated page boy haircut that Cersei’s been nailing since her brotherlover got captured is a legit teen heartthrob? He’s on a Nickelodeon show called House of Anubis, which I surmise from the title is like Hogwarts without any quality writing backing it up. If you can ignore the Kate Moss build from the Season 1 finale, he’d make a nice addition to the LadyBoners reedit.


    Bronn’s music video

    Wait for it…yep. There he is. Here’s hoping he breaks into song on a GoT blooper reel at some point. If you’re not fully fetal from cringing, check the date on this vid; it’s way more recent than you might think.

    Images courtesy of

    You're never going to win with cuticles like that, girl.

    Mani the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor: Best Hunger Games Nail Art

    Rejected post title: “Katnail Everdid – Advanced Polish Techniques for Careers”

    It’s official: You now have less than two weeks to complete your Capitol Look for the, no doubt, midnight showing of Hunger Games movie you bought tickets to last month. Hey, no judgment here; my tickets were secured the day they went on sale. What you’ll find below is a collection of nail art that both the most amateur and most skilled laquerista can accomplish. All you need is time, money, patience and the steadiness of a hand quite far gone into rigor mortis.

    1. Anything from the Hunger Games China Glaze nail polish collection

    from Chloe's Nails
    DIFFICULTY RATING: Practically cheating.
    PapCult favorite Chloe’s Nails at least gives you a variety of top coat options to keep things interesting.

    2. District By Districtfrom Beautopia

    DIFFICULTY RATING: 2-3 hours of intense focus, estimated 8 acetone-soaked q-tips for fuck ups

    Suspiciously corporate-looking blog Beautopia has a series of posts dedicated to custom icons for individual districts. The District 4 mani has the least offensive color palette, which is key to avoiding looking like you just came from a 6th grade slumber party.

    3. Girl on Fire Flames



    You’re gonna need a lot of top coat to even out that glut of polish, but the final effect looks pretty slick.

    4. Mockingjay Book Cover



    Pro-tip: cut the difficulty down to “I Got This” by eliminating letters and face and just focus on the crop circles.

    5. Panem Portraiture



    Do not attempt unless your hands are detachable so you can use the teeny tiny detail brush at a normal angle. It’s a safe bet that if the tutorial lasts longer than it takes your basecoat to dry, you’re better off with wishful thinking.


    Happy Painting, Laqueristas!



    MUPPETS TAKE MAD MEN: Kermit the Frog vs. Don Draper

    For your consideration: Kermit the Frog in some dapper new clothing takes a fake name and a job at advertising agency in New York called Mad Ave. Advertising with a campaign pitch for Ocean Breeze Soap that reeks of Don Draper. While it’s unlikely Matthew Weiner stole the idea for Mad Men from Muppets Take Manhattan (1984), there are some pretty undeniable similarities. Weiner, j’accuse!

    Good grief! The creative director’s a frog!